Time has a peculiar way of accelerating as we age. One moment you’re looking at women/men in their 50s from a distance, and the next, you’re looking at them in the mirror. Friends’ children who once ran around at birthday parties are now navigating their first jobs and planning weddings. The realization hits with stunning clarity: life truly does fly by in the blink of an eye.

The Wake-Up Call

I recently enrolled in some enrichment classes—a small gift to myself to honor the idea that doing what we love is essential at this stage of life. While there, I shared quiet conversations with two women that stayed with me long after class ended.

They spoke candidly about the paths they’ve walked, reflecting on how past choices and heavy family obligations have shaped their present. One felt saddled by a marriage that had lacked joy for years, followed by the exhausting (though loved) responsibility of caring for five grandkids with no time to rest.

The Invisible Chains of “Should”

What struck me most about these conversations was how many people live in the shadow of society’s definition of success. This is particularly prevalent in Asian cultures, where there’s an accepted norm, a checklist of accomplishments and behaviors that determine whether you’ve “made it.” Get the degree. Land the prestigious job. Marry well. Have children. Care for aging parents. Then grandchildren. Sacrifice. Repeat.

But whose life is this, really?

Hearing them speak was sobering. It was a powerful, quiet nudge for me to realize that my “mantra” of self-direction is something worth sharing. Many people live in the shadow of society’s definition of success, feeling stuck in a cycle of obligation because they don’t realize they still have a vote in how their story ends.

Breaking Free from the Comparison Trap

I’ve been fortunate to set my own metrics of success early enough to avoid being pulled into society’s relentless comparison and competition game. Success, I’ve learned, isn’t measured by how well you conform to external expectations. It’s measured by how aligned your life is with your own values, passions, and sense of purpose.

When you’re busy measuring yourself against someone else’s ruler, you’re guaranteed to always come up short—or worse, to achieve hollow victories that bring no real satisfaction.

The Cost of Ignoring Our Health

As we age, the importance of health becomes undeniable. Longevity progress aside, all the years in the world mean nothing if we’re too exhausted, resentful, or disconnected from ourselves to enjoy them. Taking our health for granted—whether physical, mental, or emotional—is a gamble with diminishing returns.

This is why, at this juncture in life, it’s critical to:

• Do what we love
• Love what we do
• Prioritize our wellbeing without guilt

Taking Control Back

When that woman in her late 60s shared her story, I felt compelled to tell her something crucial: It’s not too late to take control back.

Setting boundaries—even with family and those we love—isn’t selfish. It’s self-preservation. It’s reclaiming your identity beyond the roles you’ve played. Whether you are a parent, a spouse, a caregiver, or a professional, these are parts of who you are, but they are not the entirety of your existence.

I encouraged you to:

• Define what you want from the years ahead
• Set clear boundaries with family members
• Carve out time for yourself without apology
• Rediscover or discover for the first time what brings you joy

From Theory to Practice: The “Micro-Boundary”

It’s easy to say “set boundaries,” but it’s often harder to do when you’ve spent a lifetime saying “yes.” If reclaiming your life feels daunting, start small. You don’t need to overhaul your existence overnight; you simply need to start reclaiming your time in increments.

Here is how those boundaries look in real life:

• The “Time Buffer”: When asked for a favor, practice saying, “Let me check my schedule and get back to you.” This breaks the habit of the “automatic yes.”
• The “Me-Hour” Appointment: Block out one hour on your calendar as a non-negotiable appointment with yourself. Treat it with the same respect you would a doctor’s visit.
• The Responsibility Shift: Identify one task you’ve been doing for others that they can do themselves. Hand it back with kindness. This isn’t about doing less; it’s about allowing others to do more for themselves.

The Message for All of Us

Whether you’re in your 50s, 60s, 70s, or beyond, the message remains the same: you still have agency. You still have choices. You still have time to write new chapters.

Midlife isn’t an ending; it’s an invitation. It’s the perfect juncture to stop “doing it all” for everyone else and start doing what matters to you. Life passes in the wink of an eye—make sure you’re the one deciding where you’re looking when it does.

Your Turn: What is your “mantra” for staying true to yourself? If you feel stuck, what is one small boundary you could set this week to reclaim a bit of your joy?